OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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