Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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