literally had 100 drinks last night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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