I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
