you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
