He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
