I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Watching her eat just hurts me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
