I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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