I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
