i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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