I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
