I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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