So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
