Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
