Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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