I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
