dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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