his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
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Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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