I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
