Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
