I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
