one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
