Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize