i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
