3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
