she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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