I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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