I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize