Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
