anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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