Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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