I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
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We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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