i may or may not be watching the land before time
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
