You can't motorboat a personality
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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