my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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