i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I intend to get homeless drunk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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