Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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