Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
