What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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