the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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