If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize