On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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