no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
