My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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