I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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