Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
