I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
