the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
