Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you traded sex for a burrito?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
