You just made me feel so damn special
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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