I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
