Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
