3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
