my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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