i can't believe i had my finger in that
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
