i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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