You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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