I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
