He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can't turn off my feet"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize