I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
