I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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