I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
