if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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