So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
