let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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