Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
