should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
