shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
