I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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