I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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