ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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