I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
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Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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