it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
